HugoHorror

Life-sized Leatherface

2006-07-08T16:47:00.000-07:00

My friend Sam and I constructed a life-sized dummy of Leatherface last Friday. Sam had already built the skeleton: wooden legs, gloves filled with flexible coat hangers, and PVC pipe for the spine and arms. I helped him nail the skeleton to a platform, beef up the legs with padding, then tear the whole thing off because we forgot to give him pants. Once we bolted the bones back onto the platform, we dressed him in a flannel shirt and a bloody apron, and then filled out his torso with stuffing. Finally, we added the head, a one-gallon milk jug wearing a Leatherface mask, plus a plastic chainsaw, held overhead. The bastard is almost seven feet tall! Sam is going to have a hard time sleeping with that thing in his house--it'll be there till Halloween. Every time he steps into the garage to tap the kegerator, he's gonna shit his pants :)

Same Shit, Different Degree

2006-06-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I’m living with my mom. I’m back at my old job as a writing tutor, and I’m living with my mom. “You’re life will change,” they told me. “College graduates make X amount of dollars a year,” they told me. They must have forgotten that I’m a writer because, in general, writers earn shit. Unless you’re Stephen King, and even he’s admitted that his success is analogous to winning the lottery.

One thing has changed, however. I have time to exercise. At college, I sat at my computer for two years or more, doing homework. I never went to the gym, and I rarely ran on the Gazelle. So today, I rode my bike in the rain, and I tried to pedal up this dirt road. I overexerted myself and almost puked. No joke. I ate an egg and sausage scramble for breakfast, and I really didn’t want to taste it with bile. Note to self: take it easy; you may look fit, but you’re not.

Anyway, Leisure Books rejected my zombie novel, Roses of Blood. I’m considering an agent. On the bright side, my zombie novella, Skin and Bones, will appear in The Undead II. I’m editing the anthology, but I swear I didn’t rig it. The publisher, Jacob Kier, liked the novella, called it Laymonesque. If you don’t know what that means, read more horror.

Uh-oh, got to go. I have stories to write. Later.

Graduated!

2006-05-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

Well, on Saturday, I graduated magna cum laude from Pacific University with a bachelor’s in Creative Writing. I donned the appropriate wrinkled regalia, picked my nose during the speeches, received my diploma, and flipped off the camera during several photo shoots with family and friends. I felt like some rare animal on display; people came from miles just to catch a glimpse of the exotic Snell sloth with his flowing black hide and shiny smile. I’ve been to funner funerals.

Actually, it wasn’t that bad. I got to see my family, and they showered me with cool presents, like a new CD player for my truck. Remember, somebody stole my last one. Just the faceplate. I’ve come to know this thief as the Courteous Crook, courteous because he broke my passenger window so that, on my way to school, I wouldn’t have to sit in glass. Thanks, Mr. Courteous. I owe you one.

Anyway, I’m glad it’s over. Now I have to pack. Nothing funner than digging greasy boxes out of the dumpster at McDonald’s and pouring my savings into the U-Haul’s gas tank. I think I’m going to leave all my crap here and start anew. I’m a graduate after all. I’m going to be making the big bucks: McDonald’s saw how great I was at sorting boxes and decided to hire me full time!

ROSES received

2006-05-15T03:56:00.000-07:00

When I sent my zombie novel, ROSES OF BLOOD ON BARBWIRE VINES, to Leisure Books, I included a self-addressed, stamped postcard for the editor to sign, date, and return. I mailed the package on May 5, 2006. On May 13, I received the postcard--this is it folks, my shot at the big time. Wish me luck and less heartburn!

ROSES submitted / New Exit66.net!

2006-05-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

I have submitted my first novel, ROSES OF BLOOD ON BARBWIRE VINES, to Leisure Books. ROSES is based on my Cold Flesh story, “Limbless Bodies Swaying.” To learn more about “Limbless” and ROSES, read my Q&A Session at AllThingsZombie.com.

Also, please check out my newly remodeled website, Exit66.net. While you’re there, sign up for my newsletter, if interested. Periodically, you will receive updates and also book reviews, market announcements, and articles about writing. Occasionally, I raffle off books to my subscribers and hold contests, as well.

Shattered windows

2006-04-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

Someone stole from me today. I woke at ten for my Studies in Poetry class and found that the passenger window on my Nissan Frontier had been shattered all over the seat and lot.

At first, I thought some kid had thrown a rock, but then I noticed that the faceplate of my CD player was gone. It was the only thing missing. The thief had tried to pry out the actual player, but only managed to crack it.

So I went to class and studied poetry. It was great and sunny.

In other news, I finally received a grade for my senior presentation: an A! Here’s what my thesis advisor had to say:

Your presentation was carefully designed to show the audience how a writer uses aspects of setting to enhance a character's conflict. Your delivery was sharp, clear and accessible. The examples you drew upon from Boyle's work were especially effective, and you analyzed succinctly and with insight just how the setting complicated the conflict for the characters. You demonstrated an adept skill at moving from discussing larger aspects of literature to specific techniques writers use in their own work. Your own writing was delivered very well, and it shows how far you've come in the drafting of your novel, especially in regards to enhancing setting. Nice work with addressing the audience's questions.

You might have been taken a tad bit more seriously if you'd dressed up more, but far be it from me to tell an artist what to wear.

I wore a green shirt with a tribal fish design and a pair of green Carhartt pants. I was styling.

HWA Member!

2006-04-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Editor Paul Fry and Publisher Walt Hicks of Hellbound Books for purchasing my short story, “Limbless Bodies Swaying,” which appears in the zombie anthology, Cold Flesh. Based on that sale, the Horror Writers Association accepted my application: I am now an Affiliate member of the HWA!

Senior Presentation Complete

2006-04-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I gave my senior presentation. (For more info, read the following posts: Introductions, Archivist). It went well. I get my grade, or evaluation, on Thursday, so I’ll let you know how I did. I presented a craft talk on how setting can become an antagonist and complicate the conflict--in other words, how setting can make life harder for the characters. Here’s what I wrote about the experience:

I plan to be a professional writer. That is, I hope to have no other job. The operative word is hope. I know I can make money writing--in fact, I already have--but not many writers can sustain themselves on royalties and short story sales alone. That is why writers talk in seminars: they get paid (sometimes). But in order to be a successful speaker, a writer must be able to articulate ideas in front of an audience. That’s stating the obvious, but public speaking scares the hell out of many people, and since writers are people (most of them, anyway), they can suffer the same phobia, this fear of addressing a crowd. I, being a writer and a person, am deathly afraid of public speaking, so the prospective of Senior Projects Day gave me much heartburn; investors in Tums and other antacids made a lot of money on my purchases alone.

But I worked hard. I rehearsed until my ears crackled and my voice ran dry. I made sure to present my ideas so the audience could understand them, and I exemplified each point with excerpts from my thesis and from the work of another writer. By the time Senior Projects Day rolled around, I was prepared. It was like a Zen moment, or a Jedi mind trick: I was perfectly calm when I stepped up to the podium, even with all those eyes on me, like something straight out of Poe’s “The Telltale Heart.” I knew what I was talking about. I was confident in the material. So I presented, and I presented well (in my humble opinion). My hands didn’t even shake, which, for me, is saying something.

When I finished, people said, “I bet you’re glad that’s over,” and I am, but not entirely. Despite my phobia, I’m a ham. I like being the center of attention; luckily, I’m modest enough to know that other people merit the spotlight and that I should take turns. So while I’m relieved the day is over, I’m also thankful for the chance to share my ideas with professors and peers. I’m grateful that this university cherishes its students enough to dedicate a whole day to their work. Plus, this experience cured much of my fear. Now, when I’m speaking in Portland’s Literary Arts program (one can only hope), I will have the confidence and skill to deliver my presentation. I can give readings of my work without popping a bottle of Mylanta. For me, Senior Projects Day was not just babbling in front of a bunch of people for a grade and a diploma. It helped me develop skills that will extend into my profession. Shall I be bold enough to say that, if given the chance, I would do it again? Hell no. I don’t have to say it. I think my praise speaks for itself.

Anyway, wish me luck on the grade. Wish you could have been there . . . maybe you can come to my graduation!

Alternate Hugos

2006-04-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

First, don’t forget to play the Bookworm Contest to win a copy of my dark fantasy novella, Hourglass.

Second, Maniac Press has accepted two of my short stories for future anthologies: “Sleepless” for Blood, Guts, and Psychopaths, and “Paper Shredder” for Mind Games. Both anthos will appear late 2006, so watch my website for updates.

“Paper Shredder” is actually an old story, written around the same time as “Shit Happens.” Both share a setting: Hugo, Oregon, in an old trailer house. See, the fictional universe of Hugo has several different planes, so two people can occupy the same space, only on different levels.

For example, Hourglass takes place in a fantasy Hugo, where people live in shacks and farm. The main character, Oz, lives near the railroad tracks, in the same spot as the old trailer house from “Paper Shredder” and “Shit Happens.” In my other novella, Ghostwriter--out of print--protagonist Stephen Crown used to live in the trailer, which is abandoned in his story, but not in others. It has nothing to do with time and everything to do with alternate dimensions.

Creating these different levels allows me to recreate Hugo without inconsistencies from story to story. It also allows me to write a story where a character travels between the planes. In fact, I will have to write this story to show the levels exist and to build them into my mythology. Otherwise, Hugo will be destroyed over and over again, like South Park, only readers won’t buy it because I’m not writing comedy that allows such absurdity. (As far as I know, the town of South Park cannot afford to rebuild itself as many times as it has.)

Anyway, I'm off to do my homework. There's no place like school, there's no place like school, there's no place like--poof!

Bookworm Contest: Who's the Archivist?

2006-02-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, so here’s the contest. Start a fresh game of Bookworm (no previous games allowed) and beat my score in the same amount of levels or less (details below). The first victor who posts his or her score under this comment will win a copy of my dark fantasy novella, Hourglass. Here are the details; I’ve added the statistics for each level, but you only need to note my last level and my final score:

Lvl: Longest | Best
1: ? | ?
2: quaker | pulled 2240
3: bannet | moody 1260
4: raptor | mime 1400
5: bennet | surgy 1330
6: zealot | coney 1400
7: litters | eyed 1440
8: grander | grander 1540
9: runts | wert 1200
10: sautés | sautés 2880
Overall: litters | sautés 2880

Score: 344,950
Rank: Grand Archivist

To reiterate, you must earn 344,950 points in ten levels or less in order to win. Get to it! And have fun! I’ll be waiting for the winner!

NOTE: Please post scores only under this comment. I have erased some decent posts because I fear prospective contestants might see “1 Comment” and think someone has already won. For questions and comments about the contest, please put them under the message titled “Archivist.” Thank you, and my apologies to those whom I erased . . .

A Shitty Story

2006-02-27T14:08:00.000-08:00

A brief entry today. I’ve been revising a short story for the dark humor anthology, Until Somebody Loses an Eye. The story is titled, “Shit Happens.” I won’t say much, but the story deals with diarrhea, toilet paper, and a dank old septic tank. Oh, and Luke Skywalker’s in there too. I’m gonna submit it soon. Clinch your buttcheeks for good luck . . .

Archivist

2006-02-22T03:14:00.000-08:00

Well, LOST is doing a rerun this week--pissed. That’s the only show I’ll stop studying to watch. Otherwise, I have my nose in a schoolbook (currently D.H. Lawrence’s Women in Love). The only exception is when I’m eating. I’ll watch any half-hour show. This week, I’m watching my FUTURAMA discs as I eat nuts, carrots, and turkey sandwiches.

As for homework, I’m doing the critical introduction to my thesis. I’m writing about how I borrow techniques from popular fiction to appeal to a broader audience without jeopardizing literary value. It should go over well in my elitist university (for D.L.’s definition of elitist, see “Introductions” below).

Other than that, I’ve just been eating Ezekiel bread. It’s fricking tasty! Made with lentils and whole wheat instead of flour. I wrote a poem about it, but I won’t bore you with that here. I’ll publish it somewhere, and you can decide if it’s worth a taste.

Just to waste some time today (what little I have to waste), I played a game on Yahoo: Bookworm. I ranked as an Archivist. It’s a sweet game. You start out with lettered blocks, and you have to link them to spell words like Birkenstock and flak. You should try it out. Maybe I’ll post my score here and see if anyone can beat it. We’ll see.

Until then, get some practice. Like I said, I’m an Archivist. That means I’m one badass little worm.

Introductions

2006-02-07T03:16:00.000-08:00

Decided to set up a blog. Never done one of these before, so hang with me . . . Here, I’ll post updates about my work and I guess my life. You can post too, no membership required; you just can’t post as me. Anyway, here goes . . .

First, D.L. stands for David Lester. My first two novellas are published under my full name, but I prefer the initials. I have considered just my first and last name, but . . . Editor Dominick Salemi of Brutarian magazine has called D.L. “a lovely nom de plume [a fancy word for pseudonym],” and I tend to agree. So does my friend and employer Theresa, who suggested the initials. So D.L. it is. You can call me David, or whatever the hell you want. Just don’t call me Dave around my mom. She’ll unseam you from nave to th’ chops and fix your head upon the battlements.

In other news, I’m currently finishing my bachelor’s in Creative Writing at Pacific University. I graduate in May ‘06. But first, I must complete a thirty-page thesis (chapters toward a novel), and present the thesis and a craft talk to an audience of about twenty people.

That’s one thing that sucks about being an author: public speaking. When I’m in front of a crowd, I feel like the narrator in Poe’s “Telltale heart”: hyperaware. Especially of bodily functions, such as the gurgle of my belly and the way my foot keeps beat on the planks. And all those vulture eyes staring me down! I’m getting over the shakes, though. I just think about opium, and the mental narcotics soothe me.

One thing you should know: I am a horror writer in a school of literary elitists. This means my professors hate everything except Virginia Woolf and Shakespeare. Definitely no lectures on Stephen King or Dean Koontz: “Now, class, what do you think the symbol of dirty pillows means in Carrie? Yes, you in the back. Ms. White.”

Aside from school, I’m finishing my first novel. It’s about zombies. That’s all I’ll say so far. If you want to hear me jabber about it, read my public interview at AllThingsZombie.com.

Meanwhile, I publish short stories to broaden my fan base. My fiction appears in anthologies such as Chimeraworld #3 and Hellbound Books’ Cold Flesh. The Book of Dark Wisdom may publish another short story--my first professional sale! Sure, the anthologies earn me royalties, but I have yet to be paid by the word. For my full credentials, visit the “Author” page at my website, Exit66.net.

Well, more later. It’s late, and I have to wake up early. Had I but world enough, and time . . . goodnight.